Why Are You Returning These Clothes?

Midway through last week I unveiled my newest blog featurette Thing's I've bought from H&M and never worn or Disposable Clothing and Me: The Forever 21 Story and today I thought I'd give you all episode number 2, that is of course if you can handle it.

Since my first post listed all the unimportant ways I wasted money, I thought today I'd go in a little different direction. This weekend I had a great brunchie date with Shaun and Ja'mie (weird name I know, but you'll get used to it). Trying to find a common ground lunchie spot in between Stuy-Town and Shaun's Murray Hill apt we wandered and wandered and played in the snow until we collectively decided that the only real restaurant in NY worth eating at is Blockheads. I don't really understand why, but Im sure I only eat there now. They have a spectacular brunch special involving all you can drink (top shelf hahaha) champagne and some mexican brunchie dishes (huevossssss rancherosssss). We ate and drank and drank and drank and sang and danced to Single Ladies on our bar stools and finally stumbled out after they ran out of champagne.

Our next stop was Shaun's work, where we ran into some friends of Ja'mie who also knew my coworkers, random random. Then we stopped at the holy grail of disposable clothing, the 5th avenue flagship h&m though I'm convinced all h&m's in this city are flagship, save that grossy one in SOHO that only has women's clothes.

Without trying clothes on I purchased an outfit, pants, shirt, sweater blah blah. As I went to the cash register I had a general question about the signs all over the store. "I'm sure these don't pertain directly to the clothing underneath, but is there any rhyme or reason to the $5 SALE $10 SALE $15 SALE signs posted all over the store?" "Well, there are clothes on SALE for $5 and $10 and $15, but the clothes near the signs aren't necessarily on sale for those prices." "Hm, okay thats what I thought. Just wanted to check...." "NO! Sir! I mean we have clothing on sale for those prices just not THOSE particular clothes! YOUR clothing is all on sale! JUST NOT FOR THOSE PRICES." "Right, right, no I get it. Thats sort of what I thought, and then when I just told you that's what I expected, I meant that I assumed correctly." ".....So....you want these clothes or not?"

After my brunch buzz turned into a brunch hangover, I just bought the clothes without trying them on knowing very well I would be returning the clothes the following day, after taking them home and realizing they don't fit me at all.

I was right. They fit as weirdly as $15 clothing should and so I headed to the Bryant Park location to return them after work. "Why are you returning these clothes sir?" "Honestly. I was really drunk when I bought them and I had no intention of actually keeping them, I just didn't feel like waiting in line to try them on."

STOLEN

I'm sorry but I saved this one, and can't remember where from. Love the evil Santa!

Design Work Life.

Leaving for Michigan tonight. Don't wait up for me.

Thats a Wrap

Holidays are here and we're bringing that cheer.

Turn me up Santa,

Let's go. One time.

Yo it's Christmas time, the holidays are here.

Bringing us joy and plenty of cheer.

Ring those bells, and trim yo trees,
Make sure you bundle up, else you bouta go an freeze.

Stuff ya stockings girl, and bake cookies (get em baked!)

Pull out the lace and decorate the place,

Roll up ya stockings, Speed up the pace (move faster!)

Santa's on his way, heavy packing in his sleigh (he got the gifts!)

Spreading cheer, with his dope reindeer,

Not one. Not two. He got about eight.

But he don't like waiting, so don't stay up late (get to bed!)

(Chorus)

Its Holiday time yall, and we're having a ball

Got the family all around and the snow is' a fall....iiiiiing

Down, all around. The holidays, they don't clown.

Just a one, special man here to bring the house down. down. down.

(Get it popping!)

We got one fat man, in a red suit (hot)

visting houses, up and down the block (block)

don't be scared, don't holler stop (stop)

hes spreading cheer, didnt bring the glock (glock nine)

all he wants to do is slam his christmas rhyme (its christmas time)

(Bridge)

Holidaaaaays.....and Santa don't play

Christmas Tiiiiiiiiime.......ya'll feeling fine

bring out the champ and the don,

we'll rock you all night long

you'll be singing this song

Till new years daaaaaaay.

(It's the holidays)

You say "Rap!" but I say "Wrap!"

I'll show you a present, you wont wanna give back

When Santa comes to town he's laying down the smack

Show him a fresh beat, and he'll show you a "wrap"

Wrap a present.!

With a pretty frilly bow.

This Christmas Eve, yo, It's gonna SNOW. (Snow. snow. snow)

(Chorus)

Its Holiday time yall, and we're having a ball

Got the family all around and the snow is' a fall....iiiiiing

Down, all around. The holidays, they don't clown.

Just a one, special man here to bring the house down. down. down.

(Repeat Chorus Till Fade)

Halfway Through the Week

Weekly, I hit a slump. At the bottom of that slump I dust the garbage off of myself, make a couple of jokes, and start clawing my way back to the top. This is not to imply that I in any way rest comfortably on the top normally. Well, whatever this is my blog I can say what I want. So anyway, I'm back on top and I think to myself what can I do to make my life more entertaining? How can I challenge myself once a week? What more can I do with my life?! Thus the birth of my newest blog feature Thing's I've bought from H&M and never worn or Disposable Clothing and Me: The Forever 21 Story.

I started taking a mental inventory of all the disposable clothing I've purchased from h&m in my lifetime, thinking "I need something cheap and something quick." Add all of that up, it's quite a sum. I would confidently say I've spent in the ballpark of a years salary on H&M clothing that has probably been worn once (some pieces never worn at all). I'm probably exaggerating just a teensy bit but the point is I've thrown a lot of money away on silly pieces of clothing. Which got me thinking about silly expenses. How much money do I spend on things that don't further my life, are not basic necessities, and in some cases aren't even put to use?

Until I can gaurauntee some sound evidence and clear facts I'll just base my findings on conjecture.

This week I've spent $9.50 on a brooch from H&M to wear to my work holiday party, for the sole purpose of making people laugh. - Arguably furthering my life if in fact amuses coworkers, in turn advancing my career. Could very easily turn into a wasted ten bucks on something impractical and all together embarrassing. - $9.50

$39.99 on a Crane Cool Duck Humidifier. I was in the market for a Vicks Vaporizer ($15 out the door at Walgreens) to help soothe a stuffy nose but I couldn't settle on an ugly, lumpy, appliance taking up space in my already too crowded bedroom. So I went for an alternate design, something a little more chic, with a little more personality. Yes, I realize I'm talking about an air purifier. All in all, the Duck, doesnt even soothe my scratchy throat, rather makes me shweaty in the mornings. - $25

I spent $2.25 on a subway ride, when I could have taken a chartered bus to work for $1 less. More space, less money, WITH cell phone reception. I opted for the subway so that I could spend a few more minutes changing shoes before work and not be late. - $1

$35.50 - waste so far this week and it's only Wednesday. WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?

Silly Boy Silly Banana Cell Phone

Remember around the dawn of the nokia age, when they had that skin peeling cell phone. A bunch of different color skins sold in packages of interchangeable looks and colors, one of them yellow. The yellow skin was "peeled" like a banana by a gigantic ape who accidentally got hold of the cell phone. Okay, okay I'm trying really hard to get this one to work but for today's installment of Do You Ever Feel Self Concious When Eating a Banana and Other Silly Ponderings I decided to re-report a news brief from this morning's issue of my favorite hotspot, some consider it the bible of press, of course I am talking about the one and only NY Post.

The clever devil title Oh, Boy! Cell bill hits 22G though not the best work I've seen done in the post was still nothing short of inspiring. I probably would have titled it Hell Phone Bill or Verizon, is Rising....to 22G! Anyway, enough wit onto the matter at hand.

A young son recently added to his father's cell phone bill downloaded 1.4 million kilobytes of data (uncovered by the current plan). When the bill arrived the father was expecting a little increase, with the added line and all but was horrorified when the bill read $21,917.00. All of which was credited back after an explanation. The son was removed from the plan. The dad did however, purchase an unlimited data plan for himself and daily asks his son for download suggestions. I'm making that part up, but the rest is true.

I do know from experience, I downloaded an application (google reader) and after using it for an entire month my mom was charged $150.00, that AT&T is very considerate of idiots using their plans as well. I believe my brother had a similar fiasco when he thought he signed up for a data plan but actually had not and downloaded lots and lots. Again credited back to us. Cell phones are a silly business. Made only sillier with a bloaded Luke Wilson advertising campaign. Keep alert and make sure to download only what you know you are approved for.

Bored at Work.Com

Holidays are always fun and its rare to catch me "bored" anywhere. However one thing doesnt change. Work, is boring every once and while and no matter how much holiday cheer you bring, how many crafts you look up, a lack of excitement is inevitably going to creep in. One week before I head home to the mitten to celebrate the holidays with my lovely family, I am stuck here in aggravating, and annoying NY and I am bored at work.com.

So I decided to bust out an old friend.

Remember when Eric Culps got a 7789?

Snow Day

Completely stole this entire post from Design Crush.

Ga Ga Ooh La La

Don't really know too much about her, nor do I really care but she looks good in our clothes and she can play the piano with her feet apparently. I also respect anyone who can garner such mockery simply by unapologetically doing whatever the hell she wants. Cheers to m'lady, gaga!

Silly Silly Silly

Do You Ever Feel Self-Conscious When Eating a Banana?

For today's episode of silliness I thought I'd share some things I never quite understood and probably never will.

1. Cigarettes in the morning. I guess because I've never been a smoker, never smoked before in my life, don't ever plan on it...I will never understand this phenomenon. It appears to be the utmost unappetizing ritual one could ever partake in.

2. Forever 21. Just never got it. Don't plan on it.

3. Diet Food. This one baffles me to my very core. Just cook food. Or eat healthy. Is diet food supposed to be a supplement for meals why not just cook meals and snack on fruits and vegetables. Everyone complains about the way diet food tastes anyway so I doubt they are eating it for the flavor. I guess I just don't get it.

4. Walking on a treadmill. Run or get off. Or go walk outside. I swear to you there are women on the treadmills at my gym who walk at a brisker pace leaving the gym then they do on the treadmill.

5. Snooze buttons. I feel that the people who use snooze buttons set their alarms earlier than planned for the sole purpose of being able to hit the snooze button for an extra ten minutes of sleep. Just plan on sleeping ten extra minutes, right? Or just get up!

Plenty more where that came from. I thought I'd skip the honorable mentions for today since most of them relate to the aforementioned (treadmills, smoking, diets etc).

Until next time, stay silly, eat your bananas.

Things are looking up....

MIDTOWN WEST—If you were trying to invent a story about the suburbanization of Manhattan, you couldn't come up with anything better than the sad tale of Arnold Hatters. The store, at 535 Eighth Avenue and 36th Street, survived three generations of family ownership before closing in June. "People need to eat," the final owner told Jeremiah's Vanishing New York. "So they're making do with last year's hat." Or they're spending their hat allowance on Slim Jims. Today, The Real Deal reports that the site's new tenant will be 7-Eleven. And that's just the beginning: The Slurpee-mongers plan to open 100 new stores in Manhattan over the next five years. [VNY; The Real Deal]

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